A Kundalini Christmas

     It wasn't long after the whole Santa Claus thing unraveled that "How I Am: Being Human" began drifting away from the bindings of formal religion.  It seems the power of Santa Claus and the literalism of Catholicism were totally dependent on the conditional and externalized concepts of "you better watch out" and "naughty or nice."  Throughout my formative years it was a bit nerve-wracking to know that God was keeping score of every one of my childhood failings.  And with Santa the stakes were even higher than eternal damnation - toys!  Christmas time was a psychological wrestling match.  ("In this corner, weighing in at fifty-five and a half pounds, the snotty-nosed trouble from the emotional rubble - John!  And in this corner, weighing in at an incalculable amount because the laws of physics don't apply, the white-bearded tag-team of gyrations from the imagination - the transcendent, co-dependent enforcers of repentance - God and Santa Claus!!")  In my childhood mind I figured the baby Jesus was a sort of kindred spirit because he also had to contend with the threatening surveillance of "you better watch out."  I still wonder if Jesus had to deal with the childhood curiosities that result in "naughty or nice."  Nowadays I understand it all as the physiological, psychological, social, mental, emotional and spiritual conditions of "How I Am: Being Human."  But back then, the season of Santa Claus and unrelenting Catholicism both did a fine job of conditioning the inadequacies of my budding ego.
     On the other hand, there was the comforting imagination and beauty of having a Christmas tree in the living-room.  I remember turning off all the lights except for the tree, fitting perfectly into the too big rocking chair and listening to the music of the season.  I still do this ritual today for no other reason than comfort, imagination and beauty.  The personal meaning of that tree, with all its multi-colored lights and storied ornaments, has always been an unconditional conduit (unlike God and Santa) for the memories of my Christmas spirit.
     It's obvious, then, that my annual task is to re-imagine the symbolism and reclaim the meaning of the whole story: the birth of the Christ child; the spirit of the season; the solstice and returning of light; and renewing enthusiasm for Life.  And because words are symbols I always think it's valuable to examine their deeper meanings.  
     "Birth" originally meant to bear, to carry or conduct oneself, to take responsibility for one's life.  The word "Christ" of course means anointed one.  "Child" originally meant to descend, to climb down.  And "infant" comes from Latin and means not able to speak.  Solstice is a combination of words that mean the sun (sol) being still (stice).  Spirit means breath and season originally meant to sow.  Enthusiasm means to be possessed by a god and inspired (inspiritus).
     I am enthusiastically writing these words today because of an unexpected image that came to me about a week ago.  It happened in a Kundalini yoga session where we had been working on the third chakra, fire in the belly, the solar plexus, conviction and action.  Our yoga instructor kept suggesting that we imagine the light and power of the sun growing within our bellies.  I, however, was still mentally struggling with my inadequacies in accomplishing the physical aspect of the exercises.  In other words, I was having "a bad yoga day" and my ego was refusing to be quiet.  In fact, my ego was giving me a psychological whipping equalled only by those given by God and Santa.  Needless to say my whining ego kept me from imagining anything but "getting-on with my certain to be lousy rest of the day."

     As always we finished the session with the stillness of "final relaxation."  Then I sat in meditation.  The others began singing the traditional "Long Time Sun" song to conclude the day's practice.  I wasn't singing but my ego-whining began to quiet.  With eyes closed I merely listened.  "May the long time sun, shine upon you, all love surround you, and the pure light within you, guide your way on."  In my mind's eye I unexpectedly beheld the image of a child standing in front of me.  At first the child melded between looking like my daughter and my son when they were little.  But then I recognized him as the short-haired round-faced kid I used to be.  He reached-out (I reached out?) and took my aged face in his hands.  He gazed at me as if he was studying some ancient truth that he already seemed to know better than anyone.  Without words he seemed to be asking me to remember someone I had forgotten.  I tried to smile at him but instead began to cry.  He held my cheeks in his little hands, unafraid of my sorrow and inadequacies, looking intently but without any judgment at all.  As the singing in the room came to its final phrases the belly in the little boy began to glow.  He smiled and then tipped his head back as if he was experiencing pure joy.  The glow in his belly spread from the red-orange of fire embers to a yellow-white as bright and sparkly as sunlight on rippling water.  Soon all that was left of him were his hands on my face.  Then they also became pure light and I filled my lungs and belly like it was the first breath of my Life.
     For me (for many years now), the annual Christmas symbols contain an idea - the birth of the soul, the daimon, the genius.  And I think we are all looking for a personally meaningful image to carry us beyond the conditionings and inadequacies of ego, especially at this time of year.  After all, the symbols of Christmas, if read correctly, all point to how each one of us has descended into this world to bear the anointed responsibilities and privileges of being alive.  To be enthusiastic in this effort we must all learn to sow the authentic and ageless soul found in the images and symbols of rebirth.  
     A good yoga teacher can help in this effort.  I know I can't express how grateful I am for my yogi.  She has guided me to consciousness of a deeply personal image that I think is powerful enough to wrestle with the likes of anyone, including God, Santa and my ego.  For this gift I am forever grateful.  Merry Christmas. 

Soulful Biology

     There are enough theories and research on the human project to make one's head spin.  And because of "How I Am: Being Human" I intend to continue learning.  Nevertheless, my main conviction holds firm: all behavior is purposeful and internally motivated.  This fact is the main key to understanding how humans embody Potential and interiorize Relationships, Experiences and Perceptions.  The how of this embodiment and interiorization becomes Internity. But let's be clear on this point: Internity can be the complex and separating contrivances of nature versus nurture or the complex and authentic cultivation of "nature via nurture" (David Lykken).  An intentional and genuine Life, after all, is about discovering, expressing, connecting and making meaning out of one's complex internal images, instincts and emotions - whatever they are.  It's this physiological, psychological, social, mental, emotional and spiritual project that becomes the behavioral energies of soulful biology.  
     Soulful biology, therefore, is the originality of mythological calling (the nature of genetics and temperament) taking form in biological birth and then being transformed by the continuous psychological birth of ego (the nurture of family, community, peers, education and environment).  This cyclical processing of Life's energies is "How I Am: Being Human."  Of course, the intentions of one's personal myth and one's purposeful behavior are often as contradictory and varied as human consciousness.  Both ego and calling, after all, are members of a psychological and archetypal commune (Hillman).  The task of ego, therefore, is to become the centering "I Am" point of intentional consciousness.  The eventual and ultimate task of ego, however, is to intentionally resume its Relationship with the characteristics of calling.  This is precisely why healthy ego formation and a living mythology are vital to becoming fully human!  The daily Experience of this Relationship between ego and calling (conscious and unconscious) is what creates the complex variations of "How I Am: Being Human."  And this inexorable Relationship between ego and calling, contrived or cultivated, will not be denied!  Granted, it can be consciously ignored but not without grave consequences.  The transformation and/or habituation of one's Internity then (consciousness, challenges, choices, changes), is always and everywhere a behavioral display of how an individual is discovering, expressing, connecting and finding meaning in the soulful biology of all Life.
     I repeat - the psychology of all the Relationships, Experiences and Perceptions of ego are of a secondary "nurture" and will never be able to completely detach from the original "nature" of calling's Potential!  In other words, human consciousness must be centered by ego but is simultaneously destined to respond, positively or negatively, to the calling's of Potential.  These destined responses reveal and reflect both the personal and collective Internity as either separating contrivances or authentic cultivations of image, instinct and emotion.  These responses also reveal and reflect how all behavior is purposeful and internally motivated.  
     Unfortunately, at this point in the human story, most of the beliefs, values and systems formulated to address the behaviors of ego and calling are ill-advised and separating contrivances.  No matter if it's physical health, psychological health, social health, mental health, emotional health or spiritual health I think our current oppressive beliefs (about manhood, womanhood, childhood, etc.), our values [making use of the contributions of the community for one's own myopic purposes without adding anything in return (Adler)] and our systems (media, economy, health, politics, religion, etc.) are precisely why too many individuals, families and communities have become air conditioned emotional nightmares (thank you Henry Miller).  I think it's painfully obvious that we are failing to acknowledge and integrate the deeper realities found in the Relationship between calling and ego.  In effect, the natural characteristics and callings of Internity get nurtured into emotionally desperate egos that then go about righteously and incessantly denying the natural characteristics and callings of Internity.  This ignorant and impossible act of diminishing the mythic call of one's Life into mere beliefs and values of one's ego has behaviorally and emotionally sabotaged both the personal and planetary atonement of soulful biology.